Moving Forward Despite an Uncertain Path – My Return to Blogging

I’ve known for a very long time where I want my life to take me.  I have spent hours daydreaming and planning what I want my life to look like.  I want to be self-employed, absorbed with books, stories, and people with imagination.   I’ve been heading in that direction for a while, developing a business plan and moving forward slowly and at a pace that has been easy and comfortable.   However, in the spring a medical crisis reminded me that time is something we assume we have and is something we take for granted.

In March (2016) I became very ill.  I thought I had an odd stomach bug but after about a month of not improving and a few scary and painful spells I sought medical attention and it turned out that I needed my gallbladder removed. My surgery  in late April went well and recovery was going so smoothly that I managed to travel to the city to watch my daughters’ volleyball provincials just a few days later.  I was on my feet, moving around, feeling relatively well, albeit sore, and seemingly life would return to normal pretty soon.

I didn’t anticipate that I would almost die a few days later, just a week after surgery, when a blood clot traveled to my lungs and caused a pulmonary embolism.  My surgeon had given me a shot of heparin before my surgery as a normal precaution even though I wasn’t really considered to be at risk for developing clots.  I suspect that if he hadn’t, the clot would have been much bigger and likely would have killed me.

I also didn’t anticipate that the CT scan for my pulmonary embolism would require an IV with contrast (I’m a fainter), that I would get through it without fainting (YAY me!), and that the CT with contrast would ‘accidentally’ find several tumors and lesions on my liver which could turn out to be nothing or could be incredibly serious and life-threatening, leaving my life in limbo while I wait months for an MRI to determine the problem.

Initially, I was crippled with fear and thoughts of gloom and doom.  The internet is a horror show when you google ‘tumors on liver’.  I wasted a good week of the life that had just been spared on anxiety, locked inside the house worrying about things I have absolutely no control over.  Eventually, I went outside and sat on my deck, listened to the birds singing, watched the bunnies hop about like fools, went to the beach, and was reminded that life can be unpredictable but it’s only as scary and bad as we allow it to be.

So, I have chosen to move forward despite an uncertain path, and I can say wholeheartedly that it feels a whole lot better than sitting around feeling frightened.  I’m looking forward to launching the next phase of my publishing company next month and sharing bits and pieces of my everyday life with you through this blog.

10 Great Things a Bad Year Has Taught Me

Sometimes our great expectations for a new year are cut short by life’s realities.  This has been my experience with 2013 so I am quite happy that midnight is just minutes away and soon this year will be nothing more than a distant memory.  With that said, I am a firm believer that all things, good and bad, happen for a reason so tonight instead of partying it up I’m spending a relatively quiet night at home reflecting on what I’ve learned:

1.  I’ve learned to follow my instincts.  Actually, I’m sure I learned this many years ago, but this year my instincts were bang on.  If you think there’s something wrong with your seemingly healthy child, trust your instincts and take them to a doctor (or two or three).  If I hadn’t, there’s a good chance one of my kids wouldn’t be here today.

2.  I was reminded that being a good mom isn’t about having a perfectly clean house, with perfectly prepared healthy meals which were prepared while wearing trendy clothes and brand named shoes after a long day working a fulltime job in the 20 minutes before dropping kid number one and their teammates off at their game and then circling back to pick up kid number two.  Being a good mom is about REALLY being there for your kids when they need you, and especially when they don’t want you there. It means being OK that your house is a disaster, you’ve got no make-up on, and a pile of laundry awaits because you’ve been spending your time on what actually matters – your family.

3.  The world didn’t come to an end when I decided it was time to just say, “No!”  In fact, it got much better once I did. Life can get really hectic.  It’s alright to slow it down a bit.

4.  Great bosses are few and far between.  I am incredibly blessed to have the boss I have.

5.  Sometimes you just have to believe in the unbelievable and have faith in things that can’t be explained with logic.

6.  Orange and white barn cats that show up on your back deck every night looking for snuggles are quite possibly the best therapists on earth, especially when you’re trying to wrap your head around #5.

7.  A hug from an old friend is one of the greatest gifts you can receive.

8.  When your teenager says, “I hate you” they are really saying, “Mom, I need your help.”

9.  Watching your child lose a game gracefully can fill you with far more pride than if they had won.

10.  When my book deal fell through it wasn’t the end of the world. It may have taken me four days crying in the fetal position to realize that, but in the end it was exactly what I needed all along to figure out what my ‘true’ place in the publishing world is meant to be.  More on that soon…

I wish you all a wonderful New Year!