Cause of Death: Acorns

2014-09-18 14.06.57I’m pretty sure that’s what my death certificate will read.

My house is surrounded by oak trees which are bold and beautiful and give me much-appreciated privacy and shade throughout the summer months.  Unfortunately, the joy of them fades in autumn when the acorns they produce become my enemy number one and a threat to my physical wellbeing.

So far this year I have been practically pounded mindless by random acorns falling that have clearly identified my head as their target.  Don’t be fooled – acorns may be small but they hurt when falling 40 feet onto your skull.  I couldn’t dare invite anyone into my backyard without first offering them a hardhat for protection.

Then comes the endless hours spent scooping the acorns off my lawn each year that would be better spent writing or spending time with family.  I think the local squirrels really need to pick it up a notch as their productivity levels in terms of acorn gathering seems to be low.

So how will they actually kill me?  Based on several near-misses I am going to predict that one of these days I’m going to trip on them, fall backwards, and crack my head on the pavement.  I already have taken a rather embarrassing tumble down my driveway this year because I stepped on a clump of them, rolled my ankle, lost my balance, and went flying down my driveway.

Serious injury or possible death seem likely.  Wish me luck!

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2 thoughts on “Cause of Death: Acorns

  1. That’s funny. I just want to say you’re an inspiration, how far you have gone, how diligent you have been and how professional. Thanks.

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